Without reflecting on where we've come from, we're unable to understand or measure our growth. Yes, growth CAN be measured! The punchline on my background in limiting belief equates to unworthiness, not enoughness and abandonment despite being a high achiever since childhood with plenty of people loving me my whole life.
We are our stories until we rewrite them in vibration and experience.
I'm sharing this with you because I'm committed to your transformation not just mine, and I'm committed to a world of transformation we all get to experience. It's my purpose.
Here are the notes in point form missing I'm sure some major items and experiences, though the point is to give you the gist on A to B and a few places in between and to be continued on this praise God (literally) and holy shit transformational journey.
2007: I changed my mindset and dialog. I decided to be strictly “positive” and solution oriented vs letting life happen TO ME. No more gossip or negativity. I decided I was okay with losing friends if it meant being my word to myself in integrity. I knew the vibration that resonated with me and one of senseless banter than had nothing to do with me and didn't serve me would be mine no longer.
2008: I attached my worthiness to the results in my career. I was achieving success and ticking boxes on the outside: a top performer within my firm, paid off my BMW, new custom made furniture, clothes, travel, had funds to do whatever I wanted but I was disconnected at the core and self-loathing in the process despite “results”. This was not the life for me. I didn't want it. Photo below: a typical night out in over-tanned fashion. Every night I prayed for change and to find the strength to bridge the gap to someplace healthier in mental state and physical environment. I knew I couldn't do it on my own and started listening more intently to God and Source for guidance and answers.
2009: I started visualizing and praying very specifically what my life would eventually look like. I was lacking the level of connection I desired and needed an escape from everyday life so I took up something new in my spare time: visualization. It felt good. I envisioned specifics and dreamed big as I never thought anything was out of my reach. I remember laying on the floor of my living room the summer of 2009 (reading Vogue) looking at photos of people on the beach in St. Tropez and St.Barth's knowing I would go there. Fast forward two summers and I was in St.Tropez (2011). Fast forward to the Spring of 2012, I was in St.Barth (and have been near a dozen times over). Visualization paired with action is no joke.
2010: Conscious living and changed environment. What wasn't working in my life was my environment. I wanted healthy, I was done with party and knew I had to remove myself as a variable and go where I felt called. I decided in March of 2010 I would move and in June of 2010 I did. Vancouver was my new home, nature was my medicine. I would sit for hours outdoors and meditate. I adopted new habits, new ways of being and detoxed every area of my life I could identify that needed a cleanse at the time. I kicked processed and low fat foods (90%), began eating whole foods and organic, non GMO when possible, ditched makeup that was pore clogging and unhealthy and created boundaries for myself from relationships that didn't serve me. I quit obsessing about the gym and started intuitively eating and moving my body how and when I felt like it. My body, mind and soul were activated a long overdue purge.
I also decided I was done working conventionally and wasn't in alignment with a desk job ~ despite loving my industry; finance, the stock market, wealth management. I knew I was falling out of alignment in career. This is what I knew, what was passionate about and how I made a living. It's also a place I found my worth and attached it to. It's how I self identified. Cabo photo: gym rat in worse shape in January (2010), puffy, tangled and inflamed intestines, heavy heart, unclear mind, and cystic acne disguised with good makeup I hated hiding behind.
2011: I stepped further into ownership of who I BE, made a big relationship decision and didn't look back. I was open, trusted myself and committed to my choices. This also marked the start of a several year run of monthly travel around the globe learning new things, including how to play at a higher level, show up bigger and be adaptable. Post this relationship I was never the same, and for the better. My mind was in a constant state of learning and response as my counterpart was the definition of intelligence on every major and minor topic.
2012: This August I made a decision to change something major on a topic I've been out of alignment with and disconnected my whole life. I made the decision and pulled the trigger knowing I would feel best as a result in the long run. It's what I do. When I feel out of alignment I recalibrate, decide and GO FOR IT. If you're wondering what I did, I legally changed my first name. This September I also found myself ordering A Course in Miracles from somewhere off the internet. Unsure where I'd been made aware of this practise and Concept, but I dove in as a student and started living it on repeat. Another game changer in life. This fall also kicked off my management consulting endeavors with 4 new clients on the books.
2013: rocky times for my relationship due to externalizers, more growth in my newfound entrepreneurial career. For the first time in my life I experienced severe anxiety, depression (lack of results), was diagnosed ADHD and cranked up my addictive patterns because they were soothing. I still had nowhere to attach my worth to. Worth association with something outside myself was all I knew. Without my professional results and lacking the personal results I wanted, I was not enough. In my childhood and growing up my worth was attached to high marks and top achievements in competitive dance and sports.
2014: Still searching for worth, freedom and purpose (my results didn't conclude oustanding enough evidence in feedback to my standards), I took my first ‘online course' from someone who had an ‘online business'. She is still to this day one of my soul sisters, Carrie Anne James. At the time she was living in Malibu, now Paris. Her vision hit me as FREEDOM and I too wanted freedom in all it's mother fucking forms! I was intrigued by this online business world and enrolled in the process. I started learning and taking action.
In August I became transfixed with two bloggers (very different people), both in personal development who shared alignment with my spiritual values hence I trusted them. I wanted what they had so I started doing what they did. I even went to the first day of Landmark (14 hours) though decided at that point in time it wasn't for me and I packed it in after Day 1. I was still committed to transformation, just not with that organization.
2015: Still on the freedom, worthiness, purpose and online business path (anxiety, depression, ADHD and addiction still in tow), I enlisted and enrolled in my first group coaching program to be followed by another private coach in December and losing my mother unexpectedly in June. It was a crazy shit storm year in set back. I kept moving forward, didn't play victim, though was not grounded. Earlier that year I also had foot surgery to boot, a choice daily I'm grateful for. What I did know was aligning my body and mind was integral in grounding me despite untethered nature, and in November I ran my first half marathon. I took a short hiatus from my work though remained in action and learning mode.
2016: Still on the freedom, worthiness and purpose path, I was learning and I was executing, I was creating a shit ton of content from my soul (I wrote 4 books that summer and started a YouTube channel) and I had coaching clients. I was still not feeling in alignment but, I kept going. November rolled around and I attended an event that would to this day change my life massively. In December I had another foot surgery that would allow me closer to my goals of staying healthy, fit and connected in mind and body for life. I was committed to doing whatever it took to create the best long term results despite short term trade-off and I still am. I also dove head first into KETO! Love this lifestyle.
2017: I eventually cracked the worthiness and freedom code by saying yes to everything I wanted to say no to and on record, this was the best year of my life in growth and income since leaving the brokerage and my known and proved identity in profession (basically 10 years!). I was out of my comfort zone, moved rapidly and eventually reverted back into self sabotage mode at year's end. In July I decided sobriety was necessary until I achieved the results I was looking for. Remove variables that sabotage you be they people or substances. Sounds easy. Sure is not. The year started with hope and a commitment to change to achieve new results, coming from a place of broken, powerless victim (destructive relationship with no self worth). I still believed in myself despite being totally mentally depleted. I joined a Mastermind in January, took a Leadership program (July forward), enrolled in a mental & physical endurance program (June forward), ran my 2nd half marathon, didn't stress about it and shaved 25 minutes off my time without thinking about it, moved to California (September) and grew my coaching business. Momentum. Further aligned yet still a long ways to go.
2018: Breakthrough through trauma and connection through healing relationships. A shitstorm from the moment the wind blew the year in, I was the definition of a humble servant and I say that with gratitude. Read the post before this. What I will say, is that this was the BIGGEST year of breakthrough to date that I've experienced. I learned a lot and really pulled out all the stops in my role as a management consultant ~ as the opportunities I self generated and attracted were ones that required just that. The best part of the entire year was gaining one of those key relationships back I'd lost along the way, my father and also becoming a stand for myself, not just those I love.
2019: Peace, alignment, courage, connection, renewal of contract with Soul and Self. I decided this is the year of prosperity and peace. How to achieve? Align, align, align and align some more. What does alignment require? Alignment in all areas of life, not just some. I knew what I had to and started doing it week one. I shifted back into a place of SOUL around my business; realigned trust, integrity and contract. I reached out to another key relationship that needed attention and healing (longtime best friend), and I'm grateful to say that relationship too, is in repair. My environment is a work in progress as I'm a bit of a gypsy and the past two years I've been short-lived and temporary in where I take up residence. My quest for flexibility and travel, though I'm committed to grounding this Spring. I'm also actively aligning myself with experiences, relationships and environments I desire to live into and become. I've been doing this continuously, though right now ~ the importance of each of these items feels or incredible important hence they get A1 attention. And, it feels good. My life, that it.
The process never stops, the words I share with you are simply this: trust the process. Why am I sharing this with you?
Although ultra short-form in share, throughout the past 13 years you can see the transformational shift into greater alignment I created because I made choices and DECIDED.
The commitment, belief and growth patterns are visible in results ~ all propelled by mindset and action – which, is what I'm here to support you with because I know what's possible and YOU GET TO CREATE AND HAVE IT ALL.
Join me for the free 8 day online training I'm hosting starting now where I will show you how to Create Clarity, Peace and Results in your life and ultimately become further aligned.
You can have the relationships, the career, the body, the love, the experiences and LIFE without the struggle and with total aligned ease. What are you willing to trade for it? Time will pass anyway, believe it yourself. I already believe in you if you're reading this. Below is me, 2018 ~ intuitively eating, working out, meditating, praying and just overcoming PTSD. You are worthy, supported and everything you can possible imagine is POSSIBLE! You my dear or handsome friend, have got this!